Why does everybody want me to wait?
I feel like I’ve been waiting all my life.
Right now I haven’t made much progress since I last wrote because a few days before Christmas I received my MA results ‘Pass with corrections’ which is fine but not when the internal and external reports are completely at odds with each other so now I wait. Wait for a more in depth report which requires both examiners to talk to each other. Did I mention the new deadline is in 2 months?
My Mum and Adam both want me to ‘have a break’ and ‘get a real job and real experience’. Does that mean working in 9-5 desk job doing admin? Is that a real job? I don’t mind but whats the point if it’s not going to contribute to what I actually want to do? Other than building up money (which granted I guess is an end in itself)
Greg wants me to wait till after he’s finished his degree so that we can move in together and be more stable but that will involve more cost and I wouldn’t be contributing (much) to the upkeep of the house.
And then it hits me. Real Life. I’m 22 now, nearly 23. Many of you will think that’s young and it is BUT and here it is the big BUT. If im 23 now and I wait say 2 years to do ‘real life’ I will be 25. A PhD takes 3 years full-time (not to mention all the other stuff my MA was meant to be 1 year. It is now getting on for 2) by which time I will be 28 and if I want to have kids by the time im 30 ….? That gives me 2 years.
I don’t even know if i want to have kids and having them by the time your 30 doesn’t seem to be a very modern idea but I feel like these are all things I have to consider. Yes at 22. Ultimately if I start today I wont have the career I want until I’m 25 at the very earliest. I feel like I’m just waiting for life to start and it wont all start till I’m 30.
Another epiphany that happened to me the other day. I went to see some old school friends who i haven’t seen for years. We are all 22/23 intelligent and upstanding young people (if i do say so myself) and we were all sitting around talking about politics, art, life. Eating scallops and drinking wine (we aren’t as pretentious as I make us sound, the scallops were incidental) and I thought here we all are trying to do the best for ourselves and in our own way try to change the world, make a difference, be good people and yet we are either at medical school, on minimum wage or unemployed.
What are we waiting for?